30.7.04
here i come...!!
sun was fun..!! hehe...morning went to meet jh's to go pay da balance for his lappy n collect it...tink we went too early..challenger haven open yet...so we settled down for breaky..jh's treat..hehe..tks..!! went to mac @ tm...duno y..but tat sausage mac muffin is so addictive lor..haha..jus cant get enough of it...=P hmz..ok la..im greedy can..?? haha....=D after which we went back to settle da stuff..waited for quite some time..tink da guy actually forgottten abt it..we sit there for so long but still see no lappy in action..until when i ask jh to go ask him abt it than they went in to take it out..wat da hell lor...!! =/
didnt acc him thru...coz mtg hida n bf for movie..actually suppose to be sister day out..but yati is sick..hmz..nvm...next time ba....=) watch mean gals...so funny can..!!?? haha...i like da gal...she's pretty...n cute..haha...was laughing thru out da movie..she kept having da tots of ppl kena beening run over da bus...after which went to do some fav past time ting at cs..hehe...coz need to kill some time b4 sherman come..
met sherman n headed for da train...hida wanted to go beach rd..but tat gal ahz..last min say she wan go dating....ok lor....hehe...i nt tat bad la..its her precious wkend can...?? me n sherman dropped at beach rd...go collect spec coz t-shirts...didnt know tat its 8 BOXES in total..!!?? haha..but lucky lta don manage to get some of da guys wh0 went down to collect their shirts to help us...so there's william raymond aug n one more 44th guy name-i-dunno (sry.....)...got da boxes down n 3 of us...william offered his help to come my hse to help us to sort out...took a cab back...tks alot guys...sorted da shirts at my hse...do till 9plus lor (+ calling of da cadats)...my god...went for dnr n home..
mon...finally got my mp3..!! hehe..manage to get er jie to go wif me on mon...bought tis korean brand one..xdrum...256mb for $269...ok la...somehow within my budget...hehe...so happy can...
went to distribute da shirts on wed..after going out wif da guys...(hmz..tink going out after sch only happened in tis class...lucky im no more in tat class..tink i'll jus suffer...) went bag hunting..hehe..sry make u all walk here n there end up buying da first bag i saw...and tat's like yest..?? =P ke lian de william..he suppose to meet some cadets at bedok..but after waiting for an hr plus...only half of da sch turn up...sianz..so time wasting lor..arghz...cadets nowadays...nw da shirts is still at my hse..dunno hw they wan come get from me le...still got lots of shirts from charlie coy nv come collect...sianz..
had csw meeting role play ica yest..hehe..tink my grp did quite well..though da fact is tat we aint tat prepared compared to other grps..hehe..but manage to get some info last min thru da internet via jh's labtop...n wif some other info da rest collected...hehe..smoke thru da whole ting..but wat mdm goh...(my csw lecturer) said is also quite true la..tat my grp got more experience ppl...(hanqi = vice president cscc, sololmon = captain sailing, sam = ex-president nav)..
going off to camp later...camp feast...finally get to go camp liaoz..mUahahaha...=P see ya peps 3 days later...!! ciaoz...
Posted by dotsux at 7/30/2004 09:20:00 am
27.7.04
misunderstanding...
Soo...... sad
A very very long email indeed, but pls, take at least a few moments to read this story, very very the meaningful as sometimes misunderstandings really do affect us a lot in our daily lifes then!!!
Part 1...
A fatal misunderstanding and the person who love me the most in this world is gone forever.This is a true story, taken from "Family" (dictated by LD, edited by LSX, translated by SaFe).
Cruel misunderstandings one after another disrupted the blissful footsteps to our family. Our original intend of having Mother enjoy some quiet and peaceful moments in her remaining years with us went terribly wrong as destiny's secret is finally revealed at a price, every thing became too late.Just two years after our marriage, hubby brought up the idea of asking Mother to move from the rural hometown and spend her remaining years with us.
Hubby's father passed away while he was still very young. Mother endured much hardship and struggled all on her own to provide for him, see him through to a university degree. You could say that she suffered a great deal and did everything you could expect of a woman to bring hubby to where he is today. I immediately agreed and started packing the spare room, which has a balcony facing the South to let her enjoy the sunshine and plant some greenery. Hubby stood in the bright room, and suddenly just picked me up and started spinning round and round. As I begged him to put me down, he said: "Lets go fetch mother." Hubby is tall and big sized and I love to rest on his chest and enjoy the feeling that he could pick me up at any moment put the tiny me into his pockets. Whenever we have an argument and both refuses to back down, he would pick me up and spin me over his head continuously until I surrender and beg for mercy. I became addicted to this kind of panic-joy feeling.
Mother brought along her country-side habits and lifestyle with her. For example; I am so used to buying flowers to decorate the living room, she could not stand it and would comment: "I do not know how you young people spend your money, why do you buy flowers for? You also can't eat the flowers!" I smiled and said: "Mum, with flowers in the house, our mood will also become better." Mother continues to grumble away, and hubby smiled: "Mum, this is a city-people's habit; slowly you will get use to it."Mother stopped saying anything. But every time thereafter, whenever I came home with flowers, she would ask me how much it costs. I told her and she would shake her head and express displeasure. Sometimes, when I come home with lots of shopping bags, she would ask each and every item how much they cost, I would tell her honestly and she would get even more upset about it. Hubby playfully pinched my nose and said: "You little fool, just don't tell her the full price of everything would solve it." There begins the friction to our otherwise happy lifestyle.
Mother hates it most when hubby wakes up early to prepare the breakfast. In your view, how could the man of the house cook for the wife? At the breakfast table, mother facial _expression is always like the dark clouds before a thunderstorm and I would pretend not to notice. She would use her chopsticks and make a lot of noise with it as her silent protest. As I am a dance teacher in the Children's Palace and is exhausted from a long day of dancing around, I do not wish to give up the luxury of that additional few minutes in the comfort of my bed and hence I turned a deaf ear to all the protest mother makes.From time to time, mother would help out with some housework, but soon her help created additional work for me. For example: she would keep all kinds of plastic bags accumulating them so that she sell them later on, and that resulted in our house being filled with all the trash bags; she would scrimp on dish washing detergent when helping to wash the dishes and so as not to hurt her feelings, I would quietly wash they again. One day, late at night, mother saw me quietly washing the dishes, and "Bam" she slams her bedroom door and cried very loudly in her room. Hubby was placed in a difficult position, and after that, he did not speak to me for that entire night. I pretended to be a spoilt child, tried acting cute, but he totally ignored me. I got mad and asked him: "What did I do wrong?" Hubby stared at me and said: "Can't you just give in to her once? we couldn't possibly die eating from a bowl however unclean it is, right?"After that incident, for a long period of time, mother did not speak to me and you can feel that there is a very awkward feeling hanging in the house.
During that period of cold war, hubby was caught in dilemma as to who to please.In order to stop her son from having to prepare breakfast, mother took on the "all important" task of preparing breakfast without any prompting. At the breakfast table, mother would look at hubby happily eating his breakfast and cast that reprimanding stare at me for having failed to perform my duty as a wife. To avoid the embarrassing breakfast situation, I resorted to buying my own breakfast on my way to work.That night, while in bed, hubby was a little upset and asked me: "LD, is it because you think that mum's cooking is not clean that's why you chose not to eat at home?" He then turned his back on me and left me alone in tears as feeling of unfairness overwhelmed me. After some time, hubby sighed: "LD, just for me, can you have breakfast at home?" I am left with no choicebut to return to the breakfast table.The next morning, I was having porridge prepared by mother and I felt a sudden churn in my stomach and everything inside seem to be rushing up my throat. I tried to suppress the urge to throw up but I couldn't. I threw down the bowl and rushed into the washroom and vomited everything out. Just as I was catching my breath, I saw mother crying and grumbling very loudlyin her dialect, hubby was standing at the washroom doorway staring at me with fire burning in his eyes. I opened my mouth but no words came out of it, I really didn't mean it.We had our very first big fight that day; mother took a look at us, then stood up and slowly made her way out of the house. Hubby gave me a final stare in the eye and followed mother down the stairs.
For three days, hubby did not return home, not even a phone call. I was so furious, since mother arrived; I had been trying my best and putting up with her, what else do you want me to do? For no reason, I keep having the feeling to throw up and I simply have not appetite for food, coupled with all the events happening at home, I was at the low point in my life. Finally, a colleague said: "LD, you look terrible, you should go and see a doctor."The doctor confirmed that I am pregnant. Now it became clear to me why I threw up that fateful morning, a sense of sadness floated through that otherwise happy news. Why didn't hubby, and mother who had been through this before, thought of the possibility of this being the reason that day? At the hospital entrance, I saw my hubby standing there. It had only been three days, but he looked haggard. I had wanted to turn and leave, but one look at him and my heart soften, I couldn't resist and called out to him. He followed my voice and finally found me but he pretended that he doesn't know me; he has that disgusted look in his eyes that cut right through my heart.I told myself not to look at him anymore, and hail a cab. At that moment, I have such a strong urge inside me to shout to my hubby: "Darling, I am having your baby!" and have him lift me up and spin me round in circles of joy. What I wanted didn't happen and as I sat in the cab, my tears started rolling down. Why? Why our love couldn't even withstand the test of one fight?
Back home, I lay on the bed thinking about my hubby, and the disgusted look in his eyes. I cried and wet the corner of the blanket.That night, sound of the drawers opening woke me up. I switched on the lights and I saw hubby with tears rolling down his face. He was removing the money. I stared at him in silence; he ignored me, took the bank deposit book and some money and left the house. Maybe he really intends to leave me for good. What a rational man, so clear cut in love and money matters. I gave a few dried laugh and tears starting streaming down again.The next day, I did not go to work. I wanted to clear this out and have a good talk with hubby. I reached his office and his secretary gave me a weird look and said: "Mr Tan's mother had a traffic accident and is now in the hospital." I stood there in shock. I rushed to the hospital and by the time I found hubby, mother had already passed away. Hubby did not look at me, his face was expressionless.I looked at mother's pale white and thin face and I couldn't control the tears in my eyes. My god, how could this happen? Throughout the furneral, hubby did say a single word to me, with only the occasional disgusted stare at me. I only managed to find out brief facts about the accident from other people. That day, after mother left the house, she walked in dazed toward the bus stop, apparently intending to go back to her old house back in the country-side. As hubby ran after her, she tried to walk faster and as she tried to cross the street, a public bus came and hit her...I finally understood how much hubby must hate me, if I had not thrown up that morning, if we had not quarreled, if...In his heart, I am indirectly the killer of his mother.
Part 2 and end...
Hubby moved into mother's room and came home every night with a strong liquor smell on him. And me, I am buried under the guilt and self pity and could hardly breathe. I wanted to explain to him, tell him that we are going to have our baby soon, but each time, I saw the dead look in his eyes, all the words I have at the brink of my mouth just fell back in. I had rather he hit me real hard or give me a big and thorough scolding though none of these events happening had been my fault at all.Many days of suffocating silence went by and as the days went by, hubby came home later and later. The deadlock between us continues, we were living together like strangers who don't know each other. I am like the dead knot in his heart.
One day, I passed by a western restaurant, looking into the glass window, I saw hubby and a girl sitting facing each other and he very lightly brushed her hair for her, I understood what it meant. After recovering from that moment of shock, I entered the restaurant, stood in front of my hubby and stared hard at him, not a tear in my eyes. I have nothing to say to him, and there is no need to say anything.The girl looked at me, looks at hubby, stands up and wanted to go, hubby stretched out his hand and stopped her. He stared back at me, challenging me. I can only hear my slow heart beat, beating, one by one as if at the brink of death. I eventually backed down, if I had stood that any longer, I will collapse together with the baby inside me. That night, he did not come home, he had chosen to use that as a way to indicate to me: Following mother's death, so did our love for each other. He did not come home anymore after that. Sometimes, when I returned home from work, I can tell that the cupboard had been touched - he had returned to take some of his stuff.I no longer wish to call him; the initial desire to explain everything to him vanished.
I lived alone; I go for my medical checkups alone, my heart breaks again and again every time I see a guy carefully helping his wife through the physical examination. My office colleagues hinted to me to consider aborting the baby, I told them No, I will not. I insisted on having to this baby, perhaps it is my way of repaying mother for causing her death.One day, I came home and I saw hubby sitting in the living room. The whole house was filled with cigarette smoke. On the coffee table, there was this piece of paper. I know what it is all about without even looking at it.In the two months plus of living alone, I have gradually learned to find peace within myself. I looked at him, removed my hat and said: "You wait a while, I will sign." He looked at me, mixed feelings in his eyes, just like mine. As I hang up my coat, I keep repeating to myself "You cannot cry, you cannot cry..." my eyes hurt terribly, but I refused to let tears come out from there.After I hung up my coat, hubby's eyes stared fixed at my bulging tummy. I smiled, walked over to the coffee table and pull e paper towards me. Without even looking at what it says, I signed my name on it and pushed the paper to him."LD, you are pregnant?"Since mother's accident, this is the first time he spoke to me. I could not control my tears any further and they fell like raindrops. I said: "Yes, but its ok, you can leave now." He did not go, in the dark, we sat, facing each other.Hubby slowly moved over me, his tears wet the blanket. In my heart, everything seem so far away, so far that even if I sprint, I could never reach them.I cannot remember how many times he repeated "sorry" to me, I had originally thought that I would forgive him, but now I can't. In the western restaurant, in front of that girl, that cold cold look in his eyes, I will never forget, ever. We have drawn such deep deep scares in each other's heart. For me, its unintentional; for him, totally intentional.I had been waiting for this moment of reconciliation, but I realized now, what had gone past is gone forever and could not repeated! Other than the thought of the baby inside me that would bring some warmth to my heart, I am totally cold towards him, I no longer eat anything he buys for me, I don't take any presents from him and I stopped talking to him.
From the moment I signed on that piece of paper, marriage and love had vanished from my heart.Sometimes, hubby will try to come into the bedroom, but when he walks in, I will walk out to the living room. He had no choice but to sleep in mother's room. At night, from his room, I can hear light sounds of groaning, I kept quiet. This used to be his trick; last time, whenever I ignore him, he would fake illness and I will surrender and find out what is wrong with him, he would then grab me and laugh. He have forgotten that last time, I cared for him and am concerned because there is love, but now, what is there between us?Hubby's groaning came on and off continuing all the way till baby was born. Almost everyday, he would buy something for the baby, infant products, children products and books that kids like to read. Bags and bags of it stacked inside his room till it is full. I know he is trying to use this to reach out to me, but I am no longer moved by his actions. He has no choice but to lock himself in his room and I can hear his typing away on his computer keyboard, maybe he is now addicted to web surfing, but none of that matters to me anymore.
It was sometime towards the end of spring in the following year, one late night, I screamed because of a sudden stomach pain, hubby came rushing into the room, its like he did not change and sleep, and had been waiting for this moment. He carried me and ran down the stairs, stopped a car, holding my hand very tightly and kept wiping the sweat off my brown, throughout the journey to the hospital. Once we reached the hospital, he carried me and hurried into the delivery suite. Lying on the back of his skinny but warmth body, a thought crossed my mind: In my lifetime, who else would love me as much as he did?He held the delivery suite door opened and watch me go in, his warm eyes caused me to managed a smile at him despite my contraction pain.Coming out of the delivery room, hubby looked at me and our son, his eyes tear with joy and he kept smiling. I reached out and touched his hand.Hubby looked at me, smiling and then he slowly collapsed onto the floor. I cried out for him in pain... He smiled, but without opening that tired eyes of his... I had thought that I would never shed any tear for him, but the truth is, I have never felt a deeper pain cutting through my body at that moment.Doctor said that by the time hubby discovered he had liver cancer, it was already in terminal stage and it was a miracle that he managed to last this long. I asked the doctor when did he first discover he had cancer? Doctor said about 5 months ago and consoled me saying: "Prepare for his funeral." I disregarded the nurse's objection and rushed home, I went into his room and checked his computer, and a suffocating pain hits me.
Hubby's cancer was discovered 5 months ago, his groaning was real, and I had thought that... the computer showed over 200 thousand words he wrote for our son: "Son, just for you, I have persisted, to be able to take a look at you before I fall, is my biggest wish now... I know that in your life, you will have many happiness and maybe some setbacks, if only I can accompany you throughout that journey, how nice would it be. But daddy now no long has that chance. Daddy has written inside here all the possible difficulties and problems you may encounter during your lifetime, when you meet with these problems, you can refer to daddy's suggestion... Son, after writing these 200 thousand words, I feel as if I have accompanied you through your life journey. To be honest, daddy is very happy. Do love your mother, she has suffered, she is the one who loves you most and also the one who loves me most..."From play school to primary school, to secondary, university, to work and even in dealing with questions of love, everything big and small was written there.Hubby has also written a letter for me:"My dear, to marry you is my biggest happiness, forgive me for the pain I have caused you, forgive me for not telling you my illness, because I want to see you be in a joyful mood waiting for the arrival of our baby... My dear, if you cried, it means that you have forgiven me and I would smile, thank you for loving me... These presents, I'm afraid I cannot give them to our son personally, could you help me to give some of them to him every year, the dates on what to give when are all written on the packaging..."
Going back to the hospital, hubby is still in coma. I brought our son over and place him beside him. I said: "Open your eyes and smile, I want our son to remember being in the warmth of your arms..."He struggled to open his eyes and managed a weak smile. Our son still in his arms was happily waving his tiny hands in the air. I press the button on the camera and the sound of the shutter rang thought the air as tears slowly rolled down my face...
Posted by dotsux at 7/27/2004 12:14:00 pm
24.7.04
wat's wrong wif sat da 24th...?? @#$%^*
2day sux to da max...really a bad start n bad ending...
1st i was late for pcb lab...woke up at 0740h...suppose to reach sch @ 0800h..i was like..wtf..!!?? really like wp say lor..it was raining..nice slpin weather...n i OVERSPLT...!! arghz..took a cab down..it was really a downpour i guess..everybody was going so slow on da expressway...reach sch @ abt 0830h..super late..niways..rush in da lab...lucky got helyn jh they all help me..manage to get every done n going...wasnt able to finish..but gotta leave already..its 1000h on da clock..clts mtg at 1030h..lucky jh willing to help me finish up..tks guys..=)
again..took a cab down to hq..actually didnt haf spare since i took a cab in da morning..but borrowed frm jh...next wk allowance go down drain...realise tat i 4got abt tis yr1 im mtg...shit..faster msg jh to help me pass her da FO form..lucky i left my file in da lab..coz da form was inside..phew..!! it was raining..kinda walk fast to hq..change...n tis idiot jus haf to irritate me when im hafing a bad morning n rushing..arghz...=/
carried on wif da mtg..everyting went quite smooth..till wj msg say he sick cant come for ndp..than yati got assignment also..nt going...sianz..left me onli..n like i slpt for onli 4hrs..!!?? bo bianz...go lor...stand super long 2day..ususally we rotate among da 3 of us..but 2day...rotate who sia..stand lor..wasnt really in da mood also..didnt talk much..i tink..hmz..got a msg from wp...say he accidently hit da pillar while reversing...(parking car..)..side mirror smashed n some dent at da door..poor him...tat's his aunt's car..n he had to pay for da repairs...take it easy pin...next time be more careful can liaoz...=)
when ending dat time..lta wu came n said there were some complains abt da boys wif da npcc gals..shit..wat da hell r they tinking..?? aiya..dunno la..dun really know wat had happened..so cant pt fingers..than one guy da pouch cant be found..i was going..wth..he was da reserve..sitting at sis..in his place..yet..!! he can lost his tings...bagus..!! well done...had a head ache after da whole rehearsal..tink too much rain 2day liaoz..it was drizzling during da actual run...better dun catch a cold or fever tmr...mtg da gals for movie..finally get to meet hida liaoz..need a hug from her badly...need to rest my mind...ciaoz..
p/s: dunno wat's da hell is wrong wif 2day..is it jus me..??? haiz.......hope everyting will turn out to be fine tmr...going to meet jh to acc him collect his laptop..meet my dears..than go beach rd along wif sherman to collect da kids spec coz shirts..
Posted by dotsux at 7/24/2004 10:16:00 pm
22.7.04
day full of laughter..?? haha...~
sch starts at 12 2day...kinda of a new time table slot..went early to do da urban assault reg form...almost missed my lunch...kinda rush thru it..do u know any1 who can eat wantan mee in less than 10mins..? here's one...ME..!! haha..cant imagine i did tat..while talking to some clt i met at fc4...haha...
2day is really a day filled wif laughter..tats y i prefer to be in tis class...really super funny..was hafing our communication skills for work aka csw lesson...was talking abt agendas meeting stuff like tat...so funny...dunno hw to explain..my jaw nw ache liaoz..haha....=D
went to sim lim wif sam + jh...went to buy some stuff for avs..than went over sq frm tower...coz jh wanted to look at da laptops tingy again..arghz..y cant my itp pay come faster...cant wait to get myself an mp3..!! went to tamp to get sam's spec n dnr @ bk..n home...!! oh ya..saw kevin gorden wee tian ji...haha..my bts perfect senior...everytime always kena bully by me..?? + connie...? haha..miss da gd old sec sch days...haiz...
couple of ppl came to take da urban assault form from me liaoz..getting bit exciting..hope everyting will turn out well...n da event will be a success....ciaoz..
Posted by dotsux at 7/22/2004 09:16:00 pm
21.7.04
guilty guilty...
nt a very nice day 2day...1st ting...sch starts @ 0800h..spoil my slp...!!! arghz..such a nice slpin weather 2day lor...cool breeze wif rain..ahz...damn hp alarm n sis...!! =P haha..was wondering hw come jh msg nv come to wake me up...guess wat..?? msg him on da bus...n he jus woke up..!! haha...im nt da onli on suppose to get his morning msg...guess some other peps also...=P its ok la..we suppose to wake up ourselves one wat...
had practical in da morning..hmz..dun really understand but know wat to do..jus follow watever's on da piece of ppr..but still got graph nid to draw..hate homework..!! wat to do..3rd yr le...somemore tis yr on SP no more supp ppr..better do n understand..dun wish to forward any modules...haiz...= /
went to fc1 to eat..lots of peps..chose da wrong food to buy...queued for western food..waited damn long..when i went back to da table wif my food...everybody (abt 10 of them..??) already finish..left me n siva...haha...quickly finished n went for lecture..dp class 2day..haha..yellow jokes as usual...=P fun to attend his lessons....
after sch went for club mtg....(tang's lesson shifted to thurs for gd...) went to use com b4 tat..coz off an hr early....haiz..dunno wat to say..tink when da club came to my hands..everyting jus haf to go wrong...or did i trust da wrong peps..? dunno la..seems like i still haf to do everyting myself..bo bianz...hope tings will get better after FO...must tks xz since he volunteered to take up da LQ...went to check out da places ard campus for da FO..must say i wasted my 3yrs in SP w/o exploring da sch..haha...biaoz brought us to couple of places tat is so alien to me...hope tat FO will work out well....
receive a shocking news b4 everybody left da club...some1 is leaving da club...haiz...i tink more or less i haf a part to play...i dun really blame him...i kinda can understand hw he felt...dun really know wat to say but sorry...cant really ask him to stay..hope tis is wat he tink its best for him...tks for everyting u haf done for da club...
looking for free light sticks..!! anybody..?? hehe...jus leave a msg...tks...ciaoz...
Posted by dotsux at 7/21/2004 07:49:00 pm
20.7.04
wat's love...?? its nuting but trouble...
another wk has past...its already wk 3 of sch..hmz..kinda fast..we haven even start our proj..dunno wat to say..but cant help since we had bit of prob here n there..haven even comfirm reg da grp n proj...half day everyday..no wonder so fast...tis sat for pcb lab for avionics..sianz..gotta rush 3 places in a day...morning got clt mtg..than go for lab..than ndp...tings like tis jus haf to happen every now n than..haiz..gotta say use to running here n there liaoz...= /
sat had ndp ne show..hmz..nt bad shld i say..gotta go grandstand n watch da parade part n manage to "cop" a goodie bad too...hehe...=P oh well..but da sianz part is behind..as da bus tat use to shuttle us out..has to send da pri sch kids back to there sch..so we gotta wait till it comes back for us..guess wat time we wait till...?? 12midnite can..?? wah piangz..oh well..bo bianz..lucky most of da cadets went back themselves...if not..sure lots of complain here n there..no food n drinks given..but lucky lta wu went to "source" for us..haha..so nt tat bad..oh ya..who was waiting wif da cadets...me yati wj n lta wu....=) share a cab back wif yati at aljunied..since like got no bus liaoz....tis is also da day...170704..tat i got to know someting impt...!! haha...lalala- not abt me of coz..shh....~
sun ncc day...wanted to meet at hq..but somehow..we ended up mtg an hr later n heading for safti...hehe...tired ma...=P oh well..finally farhan is mtg us also..so all took da same train...must apologise to farhan..hehe..who ask him nv reply my msg on sat..so didnt know whether he mtg us or nt..so he ended up waiting for an hr for us since he tot we mtg at 0930h...instead of 1030h...=D nt too bad..we got to try our da juma tingy b4 da ting..but still i didnt reach da top during da actual...kinda sad...y aint i stronger..?? =~( overall nt tat bad..jus tat da dumb rope not really functioning tat well..so vanan kinda got some cock up when he came down..oh my..everybody is looking sia..after tat ppl kept asking who..is he alrite or nt..didnt really like da parade part..except da goh la...haha..since they've been doing tis since months back for syfoc...so proud of da east goh contingent..haha...=P da rest ahz..haiz..there's even a contingent tat aint complete..?? meaning they onli got da ppl enough to cover da outline of da contingent..?? omg..haiz..dunno wats wif da kids nowadays..got chance dun wan to march...haiz..if its me last time..i'll be damn happy lor...after da parade part went to dining hall..suppose to tend da 103 booth..but like no nid lor..haha..dunno hw to explain also..saw lots of 42nd ppl...miss da gd old days..where we all kena tekan together..haha..ops...=X took a pic..hmz..who's camera ahz..?? better go find out..wan tat pic...went to spc aka sg post centre to eat...coz da bus took us there...its da prcs bus i guess..tks alot..had mac...been a long time since so many of us eat together had talk rubbish..had a great laugh...hope east clts can continue be like tat when our batch step down...haiz..dunno wat to say....
mon..yest...went to watch "brotherhood" wif ck...hmz..long time nv meet him liaoz...so decided to catch a movie since i so long nv watch movie..so is he i tink..met him at jp..wat a chaos man..arghz..shall nt mention it..its time he get a hp..!! went to town...wanted to watch "windstruck"..but tink no more liaoz..went to cine at first..but dun haf..so wanted to try our luck at ps..but still da same..so ended up watching "brotherhood" at 2130h..saw jeff at spotlight..haha..long time no see him also..haiz..had dnr at kfc...than went walk walk at carrefour..n went to da movie...nice show..so touching at da end..da elder bro did all he can..jus so tat he can send his younger bro home..so swt can...?? where to find such brotherhood nowsdays..?? so damn rare can....manage to catch i tink da last bus home..phew...but nt ck..he got no more bus le...but somehw he manage to get home..=) got spncc mtg tmr..hmz..better remind them...ciaoz..
been tinking alot recently..abt da past...maybe coz seems like da whole world is attach..dun wish to rush into another one...dun wan to end up like b4........
"Don't find love...let love find u..tat's y its call falling in love..becoz u dun force urself to fall..u jus fall..."
Posted by dotsux at 7/20/2004 10:39:00 am
16.7.04
Treasure What U Have....
Sometimes we spend time asking who is responsible or who to blame,whether in a relationship, in a job or with the people we know. We miss out some warmth in human relationship to give each other support.
Treasure what you have.
A little story A boy was born to a couple after eleven years of marriage. They were a loving couple and the boy was the apple of their eyes. When the boy was around two years old, one morning the husband saw a medicine bottle open. He was late for work so he asked his wife to cap the bottle and keep it in the cupboard. His wife,preoccupied in the kitchen totally forgot the matter. The boy saw the bottle and playfully went to the bottle and fascinated by its color, drank it all. It happened to be a poisonous medicine meant for adults in small dosages. When the child collapsed the mother>hurried him to the hospital, where he died. The mother was stunned. She was terrified how to face her husband. When the distraught father came to the hospital and saw the dead child, he>looked at his wife and uttered just four words.
QUESTIONS : What were the four words?
ANSWER : The husband just said "I Love You Darling" The husband's totally unexpected reaction is a proactive behavior. The child is dead. He can never be brought back to life. There is no point in finding fault with the mother. Besides, if only he have taken time to keep the bottle away, this will not happen. No one to be blamed. She had also lost her only child. What she needed at that moment was consolation and sympathy from the husband. That is what he gave her.
If everyone can look at life with this kind of perspective, there>would be much fewer problems in the world. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step." Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears. And you will find things are actually not as difficult as you think."
Treasure what you have...Time is too slow for those who wait;Too swift for those who fear;Too long for those who grief;Too short for those who rejoice;But for those who love...Time is Eternity!
Posted by dotsux at 7/16/2004 06:13:00 pm
15.7.04
dropping by...
hello...long time no news...coz nuting much..jus sch...jus dropping to update..in case some ppl complain..haha..thick skin..=P
like wat ive said..nuting much..sch sch for da wk..every wk..yest had a 3hrs break..coz david phua's tutorial cancelled..went to play bball wif da guys..haha..its like so long ever since ive played..?? n nw..in sch..?? wif my classmates...?? been unbelieveable..?? haha..coz frm da start of poly..i tot i wouldnt haf such a chance wif my poly frenz..?? dunno y..mite be coz of da glider incident..?? or jus DARE ppl itself..?? hmz...nvm...
hehe..tis wk nt tat broke liaoz...coz sis gave me some money to spent..!! tks sis..!! coz i got kinda complain to her tat i super broke...so she kinda ke lian me..? =P we (da 3 sisters) went out on tue..went to raffles...coz sis want go develop her digital photos..spent some time to find da dumb shop..than went to tis raman shop @ far east sw to eat...nt bad..as least better than da aijisen...=D~
cant wait for sat...coz it ndp...n also most of all sunday..!! really hope tat they wouldnt cancal juma segment...*pray hard*
Posted by dotsux at 7/15/2004 08:59:00 pm
12.7.04
wat's wrong wif u...?
its wkend for da past 2days..tat means its ncc time..! ndp on sat...ncc day on sun..lets talk abt sat first...
sat..woke up at 0730h..coz wan to go polyclinic to get tat referral letter of mine..scare lots of ppl..wait very long..so wanted to go there b4 da clinic opens..but was abt 10mins late..so there's already lots of ppl..sianz..was afraid tat i'll be late mtg yati..so faster take no. ..hmz..but it was pretty fast..i waited for like 20mins plus a bit to reg..rather than da hour plus tat i use to wait wif dad..than went in wait for turn to see doc..tis is slow..i see all da rm like so fast..but da one i waiting so slow..there's an army guy infront of me waiting..i so happen to see his no. which is 2085..mine was 2142..(da no. nt called in sequence 1..)doc seeing 2012 i tink..than took very long till next no. n so on...so tat guy went to da toilet..come back still nt his turn...after which he dunno go where walk..so when his turn come..his nt there..by da time he come back..his turn already over..!! haha..see la..no patient..! abt 9plus my turn liaoz..went in..doc see..take referral letter n go..first they gave me cgh...i walking to bus stop liaoz..i call sis..she say cgh no gd..go get nsc..so i faster faster go back n got it change..still need to go back take my ncc camp pass..4got to take..lucky i told yati mtg her late liaoz..
take my pass..n faster go tamp meet yati..phew..!! im nt late..took 969 to yishun..coz i wan buy someting..than ta bao mac n took a cab to hq..damn its raining..but lucky nt tat heavy..went to hq..change..eat..go stadium..rehearsal sucks 2day..first i kena by all to march..than da boys..finally kena scolded..dun understand y..they r gold unit..suppose to haf gd discipline..attitude..but...?? haiz..kept going in n out..doing da marching in n transformation...can understand y..their dressing is super no gd..kept getting out of line..dunno wat to say..next wk ne show liaoz..they better improve..oh ya..nt forgetting to mention..2day's rehearsal got tics for ppl to come in see..gt so many tics sia...some last min encik mathi gif one..gave 2 to hida n mum..hehe..finally i see my dear after so long..she cut her hair..n she look fitter nw..miss her so much..cant wait to go out wif her next wk..one more ting..2day somebody change name..haha..as we got make da so called security pass for ndp..got it 2day..but dunno y..i see yati pic on it..but i see weijie's name..when i see weijie's pic on it...i see haryati da name..haha..so funny k..da whole day we've been calling their "name"...hor "weijie"..!
got tics for keith n da gf also..haha..finally see them together..zek n gang came also..met them outside da stadium after da ting finish..walk to kallang mrt there..nt really there...jus bus stop near there..took 12 wif yati..she going home..i go tamp..argh...change to a damn long bus to tamp..stupid me..shall nt mention..met jh at tamp...coz i was craving for mos burger's ice milk tea..so went there had my ice milk tea n home..tired day..
sun..ncc day rehearsal..met yati at 1030h at last cabin bedok mrt as usual..went to jp to eat lunch wif weijie n vanan..than proceed on to safti mi..haha..lots of ncc peps took da bus sia..basically da bus jus look lik a shuttle bus for ncc..coz its like 80% filled wif ncc peps..?? n all of them got down at MI there..?? haha..walked in n saw tat da rest is already there setting up..went to help abit..then proceeded on wif da trg..didnt get to try..coz was helping to despatch..anyway..volunteered for da juma tingy..was tryin out..mostly on to get use to changing frm juma to reppalling...nw my hand pain sia..tink got but swollen..coz tink da first time was hanging on da rope too long or wat..
dunno wat's wrong wif some ppl 2day..kept picking on me..fedup..end of da day still can ask me "angry wif me ahz..?" ah than..nt u than who..arghz..gt a feeling tat juma will be canceled..coz we didnt get to try out da full ting today..sianz..haiz..if nt than i wont be doing anyting liaoz..coz they've already chosen da reppalling peps..sianz..nvm..its jus fate..went to dnr at tamp bk wif da rest..zek treat me..coz im like super broke..?? tks zek..
look at da time..damn..going take a ride frm jh dad..better hurry go change liaoz..ciaoz..!!
Posted by dotsux at 7/12/2004 10:12:00 am
10.7.04
lazy....piggy...
haha..tink i wont be blogging often..since sch start liaoz..as nuting much to say...haha..=P dun worry..i wont abandon tis blog..i'll still come as often...jus tat these few days been slpin ever since i reach home..
super broke tis wk..been surviving on bread maggie etc at home..arghz..!! money really flows like water..dun even dare to buy my stationary liaoz..unless i super need them..still need to pay for some lecture notes..cant wait for tmr to come..feel lunch..or rather dnr..?? coz of ndp..but still..who can teach me on "hw to survive on $6 for 4 meals"..haiz...how i wish next wk faster come..niways..asked for extra $20 from dad..but seems tat he can onli gif me tmr dunno wat time..?? but i need it to go see doc lehz..for tat referral letter...arghz..though its polyclinic..but doesnt tat means i need to squeeze everyting out of my pocket..?? bye bye lunch......
haiz..i hate tis feeling...watever feeling tat is...haha..tink i siao liaoz..play too much game..been playing ever since i step into da hse..tink like 5plus..?? haha..6hrs of ps..no wonder mum say my face turning green...=P ciaoz..
p/s:ndp tmr..ncc day on sun..gd gd..at least nt really spending lots..hope can start to save abit next wk...
Posted by dotsux at 7/10/2004 12:51:00 am
7.7.04
sch......
hehe..sry for nt blogging yest nite..was too tired..went to take a evening nap da moment i reach home...=P
nuting much..jus sch lor..sianz..haha..dunno really know wat to say..oh ya..went to meet da proj grps b4 sch...coz we mtg ms foo n maj wong from aeb to discuss abt our fyp...tink most of da peps late..ended up at afm aka air force museum at abt 1015h instead of 1000h..we tried to take a lift up..so after squeezing everybody in da lift..guess wat..?? door close...liftm TRIED to go up but instead it went down..haha...force open da door n realise da lift actually went down a few inch..=P lift spoilt n took da stairs up...haha...=P had lunch at eunos mrt n headed to sch...after sch..went to salc to use com..did up a nice time table for myself..hehe..real big words..but i like...!! haha..went to photocopied some for my classmates..but seems like no diff from da original..of coz la..its timetable lehz..wat u expect me to do wif it..?? change it mehz..?? haha..jus kidding..went to meet jh after sch..acc him go make specs..his specs ahz..really dunno wat to say ahz..da frame like really dying liaoz..so bo bianz..force him go make..after tat went to eat dnr at cs...n home i reach...
today..sama sama..sch..late as usual..but met jh at bedok mrt..coz he also late..due to some incident...jh..keep da "ting" 1st..if a wk so later no one claim..than donate out..k..?? nw in sch..gonna haf club mtg later...arhgz..!! its already 1532h..!!?? late late...gotta go..buaiz...!
Posted by dotsux at 7/07/2004 03:22:00 pm
5.7.04
1st day of sch...!! exciting..?? hmz...
jus reach home..went to watch THE CHORICLES OF THE RIDDICK...hmz..nt a bad show..quite nice..hasnt been watching movies lately..=/
wanted to wake up earlier to go see doc..but woke up bit late..but went there still..took a no. n went for breaky..was told tat my turn would come like 11plus..?? was tinking whether wan to wait or nt..but tink tink..since im here..y nt wait lor..so waited till 1120h..but still nt my turn..no choice but to go sch liaoz..coz mtg shiyi @ 12 to change class...
was bit late..got ganesh sign da letter n submitted it..went to lk for helyn they all @ fc4..mtg up for lunch..didnt eat anyways..hehe..coz had a heavy breaky..got my radio back too..tks jh..but kept it in da locker..haha..so nw still at sch..maybe bring back tmr..lazy ahz..
sch's nt tat bad today...brief intro as usual..nt really lecture..oh ya..shld praise da mm dept..really efficent..tis morning i jus submitted da class transfer form..evening i get da call frm them say i tmr can go to da class liaoz...wow..!!
hmz..gotta get da club in shape soon....ciaoz..
Posted by dotsux at 7/05/2004 11:55:00 pm
4.7.04
sch starts tmr....
hey all...haha..didnt blog yest..its was syfoc yest..!! haha..finally da day has come..
meet ian @ bedok inter..coz reporting to stadium str instead of da usual hq..coz they got O'level listening compre..n plus they got da cisco ppl to escort da weapons from hq to stadium..reach there @ ard 1120h..change...draw sword..wait for da cadets..draw weapons..u know..da usual stuff..go for 1 run thru..n da rest is waiting..than came da big moment..haha..cant believe my gloves gimme prob da last min..but lucky got one sea clt down there...haha...ask him help me adjust..lucky..phew...march in..out..weather was fine..seems like everyting goes pass first..b4 i realise it...da parade was over..!! haha..sis n gang came down n watch da parade...wif sherry also of coz...arghz..she wouldnt let me carry her..=/ nvm..next time..after changing n everyting..rush down to da nearest bus-stop n waited like more than half an hr for da freaking bus..!!?? arghz..coz of all da sch bus la..jam down there...reach home like abt almost 2hrs later..?? nvm..faster bath..took some stuff n went down to da half DARE coz bbq..
bbq was nt bad..haha..ops..food is nice...especially da chicken wings..(hehe..dad prepared them of coz...!!)..=P n also nt 4getting da crayfish tat jh's dad got for us..hehe..tks..!! wanted to stay thru da nite..but couldnt tahan..coz later in da morning still gotta go for ndp..so went home like abt 2plus in da morning..stupid cab uncle..took a long way home..make me even poorer tis wk..arghz..watever..reach home..change...slp..
lucky yati msg me in da morning..hehe..if not dunno wat time i'll slp till...ask her to come over my hse 1st..coz i haven prepare my uniform..so she came n sit awhile at my hse...after i change..we went down for breaky..coz wj say da bus onli comes at 12..so we onli reach hq at abt 11plus..?? today rehearsal was nt tat bad..jus tat feeling tired..n those kids dunno hw to listen to instructions..onli know hw to talk back..ask for more water..n delaying time by walking super slow...cant stand them..manage to do some "stunt"..so hope they'll change next wk..haiz..
sch starts tmr..mtg shiyi early..coz we swapping class..i happy she happy...gd deal...!! haha...after which mtg jh helyn they all for lunch in sch..need to go print my time table also..hehe..gonna like tis sem timetable..coz mon sch starts at 1pm..!! haha..oh yeah..=D ciaoz..
p/s: cant really describe hw i feel when i was in da stadium..wif so many pairs of eyes watching..proudest of my life so far..especially when marching past..da moment where they say out ya name..i'll nv be able to forget tis very moment..where i march in ncc land east district goh contingent as contingent commandar...during syfoc 2004..well done boys..u make me feel so proud..=)
Posted by dotsux at 7/04/2004 11:39:00 pm
3.7.04
last day at work...
last day at work today...was damn pissed off wif da presentation..nt becoz of da ppt...but becoz some idiots who acted so childish...trying to show their inmaturity to everybody...arghz...really pissed me off..throw all da sp students face..
me n shun went back to da office today..coz need to return my base pass n gif big boss da thank you card..oh well..he wasnt ard..so pass it to cpt ong instead..so nice of them..they treat us eat sakae sushi at pp...hehe..lucky we went back..finally get to sit cpt ong's car..haha..its a subaru wrx super mod..?? haha...too bad i wasnt sitting infront..=/
went home after tat..fall aslp immediaty..ops..over slpt..let ian waited for like an hr at inter...=P sry..!! went to take da tics at mdm devi hse n ran over to inter to pass it to him...than faster took a bus to meet jh n helyn at shing song bedok north..bought da bbq stuff n went over to dad's there to talk..till like 10plus..?? haha...we really can talk sia..than took a bus back..
hmz..haven do my buttons n take out da bbq stuff..better do it before i slp...ciaoz...
p/s: sis..4get abt da tics..who can go go..ok...?? jus tat u all told me tat u all wanna go than i take so many tics one lor...
Posted by dotsux at 7/03/2004 12:28:00 am
2.7.04
last day at work...
last day at work today...was damn pissed off wif da presentation..nt becoz of da ppt...but becoz some idiots who acted so childish...trying to show their inmaturity to everybody...arghz...really pissed me off..throw all da sp students face..
me n shun went back to da office today..coz need to return my base pass n gif big boss da thank you card..oh well..he wasnt ard..so pass it to cpt ong instead..so nice of them..they treat us eat sakae sushi at pp...hehe..lucky we went back..finally get to sit cpt ong's car..haha..its a subaru wrx super mod..?? haha...too bad i wasnt sitting infront..=/
went home after tat..fall aslp immediaty..ops..over slpt..let ian waited for like an hr at inter...=P sry..!! went to take da tics at mdm devi hse n ran over to inter to pass it to him...than faster took a bus to meet jh n helyn at shing song bedok north..bought da bbq stuff n went over to dad's there to talk..till like 10plus..?? haha...we really can talk sia..than took a bus back..
hmz..haven do my buttons n take out da bbq stuff..better do it before i slp...syfoc actual day tmr..was excited abt it...but kinda lost my excitment already..nw who go who dun go..or no1 go doesnt really matters much liaoz..since hardly any1 attends my ncc stuff anyway..ciaoz..
p/s: sis..4get abt da tics..who can go go..ok...?? jus tat u all told me tat u all wanna go than i take so many tics one lor...
Posted by dotsux at 7/02/2004 11:59:00 pm
1.7.04
= O *yawnz*
feeling tired everyday...every moment...
went to AFS 2day..instead of da usual PLAB...last 2 days in ITP...they arrange for us 2 days prog in AFS..for debriefing purpose..kinda like a sharing session...1 for prep..tat is today..the other for presentation..which is tmr..
so reported to AFS today..suppose to report @ 0830h..but some stupid idiots like to spoil da image of SP..most came late...some even come at 0930h..?? didnt even bother to say sry to da office..yes its u dAN..!! the rest..?? even best..didnt even come at all..its like tat when u already got ya log bk sign..nobody bothers to go any more..so irresponsible..haiz..was kinda disappointed at them...forget it...its gonna be over...
was preparing for ppt today..tink those at PLAB was pretty fast..haha..coz we jus copy da old format tat we use to do da last time..so jus type in new info..went out for lunch today...coz need to meet yati n pass her da ncc day dnr money..kinda sad..coz hida not going..haiz..sobz...=~( manage to get sam to tag along wif me..haha...tks..again...=P oh well..while waiting for bus to go back..tink John called sam..told him can ciaoz liaoz..haha..yeah..!! tats y i love AFS..!!
went to tamp wif shun..suppose to eat lunch wif him..but i ended up go buy "thank you" cards wif him n went down to jys..want to haf a chat wif da part c...went home after tat..was darn tired...haha..took a long nap str after i bath..wanted to watch da 7pm show on ch56..but was too tired to do tat..ended up slpin till jus nw...=P
last day of itp tmr..sch starts on mon..oh ya..4got to mention tat I CHANGE CLASS AGAIN...!! haiz..tis time back to 22..but tink shiyi wans to change wif me..1 to 1 swap..coz she change to 23..oh well..no objections..haha..tats kinda wat i wan too...=P
ciaoz..
cant wait for sat...hehe..dc manage to get me n ian 4 tics each..!! haha...he's da best..!
Posted by dotsux at 7/01/2004 11:11:00 pm